Yearning for urinal dividers

From a young age every man learns the International Code of Urinal Etiquette. It has a range of offenses such as talking to the person next to you, pulling your pants all the way down to your ankles, and standing there for an awkward amount of time before you start to relieve yourself. But the worst offense of all, the cardinal sin of the urinal, is to look at the apparatus of the person beside you.

To avoid the committal of this cardinal sin, most men observe the principles of urinal spacing, leaving at least one extra urinal between you and your nearest urinal-mate. It’s also a comfort thing.

“Using a urinal next to someone makes me want to vomit because of how uncomfortable I am. It deters me from using the bathroom at school,” junior Lachlan Ransiear said.

By observing the spacing principles of the International Code of Urinal Etiquette, mental duress can be avoided, however several of the urinals in a urinal block must go unused. This lowers the amount of urinals available to the weiner-wielding population of our school.

ASB set out to address this issue last year when they announced to the student senate that over the course of the year they would be working with our custodial staff to install urinal dividers in the bathrooms. However, over a year later, only two of our many urinal-equipped bathrooms are able to address the separation of streams. We were promised the safety of our scrotums, and we have yet to be satisfied.

While BHS faces an appalling amount of issues, the division of urinals, although comedic, should not be excluded from the list. We don’t want you seeing our package, and we don’t want to see yours either. It is obvious that in order to keep our sticks secretive, the installation of urinal dividers in all of the bathrooms used by male-identifying students must be finished. Why our wishes have yet to be fulfilled may be left up to speculation, but I sure hope it isn’t because anyone is sneaking a peek.